This is what happens when there are too many cooks in the kitchen, and three of the cooks are under 3 feet tall.
It all started out innocently enough.
“Hey, guys, y’all wanna make cookies?” We had about half an hour until lunch time, so it’d be a perfect after lunch treat. I’ve also been really trying to incorporate my kids into my every day tasks, and this seemed like a fun way to do it. I’d made this recipe a million times before, and I had everything set out. I even decided to take pictures and make it into a recipe post for you guys. I rounded up the kids, pulled chairs up to the counter, and got to work.
1 box any flavor cake mix
1/2 cup vegetable oil
powdered sugar for rolling
Combine all ingredients and stir until dough forms. Roll into balls, and then roll in powdered sugar. Bake for 9-11 minutes at 350F.
Seriously. Easy, right? Oh ho ho, you naive mother of three, you.
First, I emptied the ingredients into the bowl, turned on some tunes on Pandora, and got to stirrin’.
Then I thought, “Oh wait…they’re gonna wonder why the heck it looks like orange playdoh. Better tell them what kind of cake mix I used.”
So I went to grab the box, and discovered that Emma had accentuated the front with some brown foam horses. “Oh, how funny,” I thought! The readers will totally understand how that happens. I’ll leave the horses on there.
Cute, right? Adorable. Just adorable. So I keep on mixing, and remember, oh, hey, Ashley. Include your kids.
Yes, my daughter is wearing nothing but panties in the background. Stellar Mom Award goes to me! By this point, Maisy, the baby, wakes up screaming in my room. I leave in search of the Boba so I can wear her and finish the cookies before she gets too ticked off and hungry. Where is the Boba? Okay, I just had it on last night at Walmart. Where did I put it? Ke$ha is blaring “Tik ToK” on my laptop at full blast. Maisy is screaming harder. Emma is telling me something or other about helping, but I tune her out and focus on finding the Boba and getting the baby to hush. Found it! Of course, underneath the pile of clothes in my bedroom. Isn’t that where everyone keeps their Boba?
Back into the kitchen wearing the baby. Oh God. THAT’S what she was helping with.
Alright, alright. Keep calm. Find the handheld vacuum in the basement and clean out the coils on the stovetop. Bad idea. Vacuum blows powdered sugar even deeper into the cooking surface. Good gravy, really? Can I catch a break, please? Whatever, move on. Take the bowl of dough away from Micah, who has eaten a good three or four spoonfuls. Raw eggs? Yep. Great.
Maisy is hungry, it’s become quite clear, so I wrangle a boob out of my nursing tank top and pop it in her mouth so she can eat. Take the bowl away from Micah who has pushed a chair up to the other counter where I moved the dough bowl. Okay, let’s get this fun little cookie making activity over with, stat. Roll the dough into balls, quickly. Emma has taken the handheld vacuum and is vacuum and is “cleaning” the kitchen counters. “Please keep the vacuum on the FLOOR!” I bellow. Roll the dough. Roll the dough.
Hallelujah, they’re done. Pop them in the oven.
“What on Earth was that?!” I hear running little feet scurrying away from the crime scene. Emma has (allegedly) gotten the Swiffer out of the closet and knocked a picture frame off of the wall and it’s now broken on the floor. Fabulous.
Lady Gaga is telling me that she’s on the right track, baby, she was born this way at full blast. Shut up, Pandora! My boob falls out of almost-asleep Maisy’s mouth, and she wakes up, screaming for more food. Micah walks up to me and asks to go potty. I tell him I’ll meet him in the bathroom, and to go ahead and sit on his potty. Timer goes off. BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! Okay, let’s get this out of the oven so we can at least have some cookies out of this deal.
I put Emma in time out for getting the Swiffer out of the closet and breaking the frame. Of course, she didn’t do it. Innocent until proven guilty doesn’t work when you’re four, kid. I know you did it.
Just then, Micah walks up to me and says, “Accident.” Dangit! I forgot to meet him in the bathroom! I walk down the hall and see a perfect little turd sitting in the bathroom entryway with an undigested white grape sitting on top like the little poop garnish that it is. Lovely.
I clean the poop, wipe butts, turn on Sid the Science Kid and give them cookies just to get them to settle down. Thank you, baby Jesus. It’s quiet!
You know, these cookies are pretty dang good, broken picture frame, poopy floors and all.