I think Weight Watchers is trying to tell me something.

It’s no secret that I’ve been so insanely busy, and I’ve missed a lot of weekly weigh ins. A lot of it is because once I’m done with my “real” job, I am ready to turn off the computer and hang with my kids — which is awesome! Summer is coming up and we bought a new pool for the backyard to tide us over until we (hopefully) put in an in-ground pool over the winter. The kids are growing gills, and I’ve loved every second of lounging in a floaty-thing, sipping either a Diet Dr. Pepper or some kind of mixed drink.

This scenario is glorious, and it’s really, truly, been a joy to just LIVE. But I’ve become entirely too sedentary over the past month.

Yes, MONTH.

I am laying it all out on the table. 100% of it. I haven’t run since the Boston Marathon, on April 15. I ran a mile with my kids that day, but haven’t laced up since. Nothing. Nada.

And for the first week, it was just purely a scheduling issue. Andrew was travelling a lot, so I couldn’t very well just leave the kids alone at home while I ran, even if I went before they woke. Bad idea jeans, big time. But after that, I kind of eased into the “Well maybe I’ll just take a break.” and “It’s getting hot” (which, is true — it’s hot as balls here, and it’s only going to get hotter). And, of course, the weight loss has stopped. I haven’t gained, thankfully, but I’m really shocked that I haven’t packed on the pounds with the way I’ve been eating and the lack of exercise. I’ve had really clean days, though, but I’ve had two awful days for each clean day lately.

Then I got an email.

It was from Weight Watchers. Those rascals. They always seem to know when I am screwing up majorly. But this one was different. I’d kind of convinced myself that I was doing okay because I’m maintaining (lol, barely) my weight, but I know that it’s probably just dumb luck at this point — I have no business weighing what I do now with the stuff I’ve been eating. Anyway, the email was a renewal. They’d charged my PayPal account for another month of service. My initial reaction was “UGH! I forgot to change my settings!” I was ready to just quit using WW, and I could tell I was on the way to complacency.

But I think it’s a sign that I need to get my shit together. Because honestly, the eating that I’ve been doing isn’t just unhealthy for my body, but it’s not good for my mental state. I don’t like that I’m not in control of what I put in my mouth. Tonight, I blazed through probably 4 flour tortillas with butter without a second thought. I just kept going. You know when murderers say they blacked out and can’t remember what happened? That’s what a person with a binge disorder does — what I do, at least. I don’t even feel like myself during a binge. It’s like an out of body experience — truly one of the most bizarre things I’ve experienced. People say, “Why don’t you just stop eating? You know it’s bad for you, and you feel sick!”

But you physically can. not. stop. You just can’t. It’s like your hands are on autopilot, pouring bowls of cereal, buttering bread, twirling forkfuls of pasta.

So I’m ready to take back my own mind and my own body. It’s been an enjoyable break from the strict counting of points and daily workouts, but now it’s just time to realize that I feel better, both physically and mentally, when I’m on track. It’s not even about weight loss at this point (although I do have something like 10 pounds until I hit goal). It’s about what makes me feel good!

Also, uh, not to mention I am running a half marathon in 6 months and taking a month off from running certainly isn’t going to get me where I need to be in order to do well in the race!

Ready to Recommit

So I am pledging three things tonight:

  1. Be honest with myself: Log my food, follow my plan. 
  2. Make time for fitness: If it means waking early or doing the 30 Day Shred after the rest of the family is asleep, then so be it.
  3. Get back to blogging: I flippin’ miss being able to just let my brain flow out of my fingertips each week! Plus, it makes me think twice about skipping a workout or eating poorly if I know I will have to fess up to you guys :).

Also, PICTURES!

And to be a complete narcissist (lol), I want to show you guys a couple photos I had taken last week. I needed new headshots for all of my online profiles for work and Freckleberry, so here’s a few snapshots! Thanks to local photographer Sharleanna of Simple Love Photography for doing these! She did a great job.

Freckleberry Fit Weight Watchers

Freckleberry Fit Weight Watchers

Freckleberry Fit Weight Watchers

You might’ve already noticed that I changed my Facebook page’s profile image to one of myself. Don’t miss me in your feed! This isn’t a Wednesday, so I wont weigh in, but I am making a promise to myself to make this Wednesday’s weigh in happen.

Are you ready to recommit? Comment and tell me how you’re going to make a change!

Comments

  1. Katy says

    I just wanted to say you look amazing! I completely understand and know what you are going through! I love reading your blog, you are an inspiration!

  2. says

    You are beautiful! Great photos. I’m in the same boat unfortunately, but just not even close to my goal weight. I moved 1300 miles, my workout partner is far away, and I have not worked up the motivation to do anything myself. I am going to re-commit to eating better and logging my calories more. Maybe I will even take a few walks each day in the neighborhood.

  3. Melissa says

    I had a crap week too.. eating whatever I wanted and not tracking. Now that I’m back on track I realize how AMAZING it feels when I eat right. How did I function before WW?! You describe that out of body binge experience perfectly and its nice to know that I’m not alone!!

  4. celia Mendoza says

    nice pictures you look great I really enjoy reading your blog it really helps me out what I committed myself to doing is drinking a gallon of water a day which I been faithfully doing for the past 3 days and I hope to keep it up also watching what I eat I’m using my Fitness Pal app which works great

  5. Mary says

    Your pics are great! Your posting is timely. I too have fallen off mt “logging” of my points. Feel aliitle better that I am not alone.

  6. Debi says

    Wow! Thanks for sharing. Someone else who eats like I do. Everyone around me just says STOP which of course doesn’t work. I need people like you in my life that really understand what binging is really like. Once I start I can rarely stop regardless of what I tell myself. I have about 90 pounds to lose (I have gained back 20 in the past few months). Thank you, thank you, thank you! I need people like you in my life!

  7. Nee Brown says

    You look amazing! You killed them at the photo shoot, the last pic is my fave! I think I need to get back on it too. Thanks for the reminder!

  8. Wendy says

    Dude I’m a total binge eater too! I know it’s bad for me, know I’m going to feel like crap after in more ways than one, and yet still do it….and feel like crap after. It’s like I have something in me that wants to sabotage the good! I guess for me it will never be easy and doesn’t that just suck spiked balls! Great pics btw!

  9. Laura Kurotobi says

    Wow, we started at about the same weight (I was about 210) and we’re close in weight now as well (I’m currently 163). I took a year off because I got preggers, but now that baby’s out and breastfeeding is established, I’m back on the diet wagon! I want to be between 135 and 145. So awesome to see someone like me as far as stats and goals go. Gonna go follow you on.fb now.

  10. Chelsey says

    I understand the binge eating and not being in control. I started when I was around 16 (I’m 18 now) and the more I felt bad about myself the more I would eat and then the worse I would feel and it would just keep going. It gets a lot better when I move more and eat better and when I started losing weight (so far 25 lbs) it started to go away. Anyway I am glad to know that there are people who binge like I do but they are still able to move towards their weight loss goals.

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