It’s no secret that I’ve been so insanely busy, and I’ve missed a lot of weekly weigh ins. A lot of it is because once I’m done with my “real” job, I am ready to turn off the computer and hang with my kids — which is awesome! Summer is coming up and we bought a new pool for the backyard to tide us over until we (hopefully) put in an in-ground pool over the winter. The kids are growing gills, and I’ve loved every second of lounging in a floaty-thing, sipping either a Diet Dr. Pepper or some kind of mixed drink.
This scenario is glorious, and it’s really, truly, been a joy to just LIVE. But I’ve become entirely too sedentary over the past month.
I am laying it all out on the table. 100% of it. I haven’t run since the Boston Marathon, on April 15. I ran a mile with my kids that day, but haven’t laced up since. Nothing. Nada.
And for the first week, it was just purely a scheduling issue. Andrew was travelling a lot, so I couldn’t very well just leave the kids alone at home while I ran, even if I went before they woke. Bad idea jeans, big time. But after that, I kind of eased into the “Well maybe I’ll just take a break.” and “It’s getting hot” (which, is true — it’s hot as balls here, and it’s only going to get hotter). And, of course, the weight loss has stopped. I haven’t gained, thankfully, but I’m really shocked that I haven’t packed on the pounds with the way I’ve been eating and the lack of exercise. I’ve had really clean days, though, but I’ve had two awful days for each clean day lately.
Then I got an email.
It was from Weight Watchers. Those rascals. They always seem to know when I am screwing up majorly. But this one was different. I’d kind of convinced myself that I was doing okay because I’m maintaining (lol, barely) my weight, but I know that it’s probably just dumb luck at this point — I have no business weighing what I do now with the stuff I’ve been eating. Anyway, the email was a renewal. They’d charged my PayPal account for another month of service. My initial reaction was “UGH! I forgot to change my settings!” I was ready to just quit using WW, and I could tell I was on the way to complacency.
But I think it’s a sign that I need to get my shit together. Because honestly, the eating that I’ve been doing isn’t just unhealthy for my body, but it’s not good for my mental state. I don’t like that I’m not in control of what I put in my mouth. Tonight, I blazed through probably 4 flour tortillas with butter without a second thought. I just kept going. You know when murderers say they blacked out and can’t remember what happened? That’s what a person with a binge disorder does — what I do, at least. I don’t even feel like myself during a binge. It’s like an out of body experience — truly one of the most bizarre things I’ve experienced. People say, “Why don’t you just stop eating? You know it’s bad for you, and you feel sick!”
But you physically can. not. stop. You just can’t. It’s like your hands are on autopilot, pouring bowls of cereal, buttering bread, twirling forkfuls of pasta.
So I’m ready to take back my own mind and my own body. It’s been an enjoyable break from the strict counting of points and daily workouts, but now it’s just time to realize that I feel better, both physically and mentally, when I’m on track. It’s not even about weight loss at this point (although I do have something like 10 pounds until I hit goal). It’s about what makes me feel good!
Also, uh, not to mention I am running a half marathon in 6 months and taking a month off from running certainly isn’t going to get me where I need to be in order to do well in the race!
Ready to Recommit
So I am pledging three things tonight:
- Be honest with myself: Log my food, follow my plan.
- Make time for fitness: If it means waking early or doing the 30 Day Shred after the rest of the family is asleep, then so be it.
- Get back to blogging: I flippin’ miss being able to just let my brain flow out of my fingertips each week! Plus, it makes me think twice about skipping a workout or eating poorly if I know I will have to fess up to you guys :).
And to be a complete narcissist (lol), I want to show you guys a couple photos I had taken last week. I needed new headshots for all of my online profiles for work and Freckleberry, so here’s a few snapshots! Thanks to local photographer Sharleanna of Simple Love Photography for doing these! She did a great job.
You might’ve already noticed that I changed my Facebook page’s profile image to one of myself. Don’t miss me in your feed! This isn’t a Wednesday, so I wont weigh in, but I am making a promise to myself to make this Wednesday’s weigh in happen.
Are you ready to recommit? Comment and tell me how you’re going to make a change!